just words

There are all sorts of people who say any manner of things without putting much thought into it. Often words are said because it's what they think the other person wants to hear, when really all they want is the truth. Sometimes, still, things are said just to get someone to shut it already. No matter the reason, people so often pay no attention to the meaning of what they say.

It happens most frequently in a certain type of relationship, I think. Not the lifelong, lasting ones, but the fleeting ones that are necessary to fill that gap until you find your mate, or the friends that served a specific purpose in your life to ferry you through something and weren't meant to journey with you any further. They say meaningless nothings, because it sugar-coats the moment and keeps you moving along the path. There is nothing vested in this venture; you are merely walking the same road for a short while, and so it's best to keep conversation civil and comfortable.

There are, however, those few, special people with whom you will experience much adventure. Ideally I would hope that your family would fall into this category. I am blessed that mine, for the most part, does. I count my mother and father among my best friends, my brothers are all there for me in their way, and a sister-in-law who is more sister and friend than "in law". However, family is a funny thing, because even if you'd prefer someone not be on this trip with you, there is generally little you can do about it. Perhaps this is when you find your own self guilty of meaningless words in order to keep the family peace. Family is complex, and roles aren't always so clearly defined.

But you share your life's journey with more than family. You have your friends as well. Of course there is the girl from nursery school who had to suffer through knee socks and saddle shoes with you; then there is your best friend from third grade when gossiping really begins, and on to middle and high school as cliques are formed and solidified, and finally college and your "adult" years as you begin to define yourself. With most of those friends, who were so very important to you at the time, you have since lost contact. Perhaps, though, you still laugh with your friend about those darn knee socks and the clothes your moms made you wear. The friends that survive life's journey with you are the truest. It's possible you don't see everyone as often as you would like, and you go long periods of time without talking or writing, but the words you speak are honest. If anything is sugar-coated, it's not for the purpose of deception, but to ease the truth that may sometimes hurt. There is meaning.

Lastly, there is your life partner. Your soulmate. This is the person who says silly nothings because, well, you're being silly. They love and respect you too much to offer empty words, and only give you absolute truth. Knowing that you love and respect them in equal measure, there is no fear of "saying the wrong thing". Lies are unnecessary. Such bare honesty also reflects the confidence each has of the other and the confidence you have of yourselves as a unit. You don't have to "pretty it up" on the outside when you know the foundation is solid.

It's interesting to reflect on the past and see where those you know, or have known, fall. I think it's easier done once you've moved on than when you're in the moment. You're more able to recognize the signs in the rear view mirror--the best friend you never really felt you could count on, the smooth talker who always said the right thing but never followed through. Then you see those who have explored life along with you. Generally, they're the ones who probably made you mad, because they weren't afraid to tell you the truth. They are the ones who loved you then, love you now, and will love you tomorrow. Their words are worth listening to.